


Ambivalent Bonds

by amyren



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Last Jedi
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22778998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyren/pseuds/amyren
Summary: It's been six months since Rey refused Kylo Ren's hand along with his proposal to rule the Galaxy together. The connection between them still burns as strong as ever, but Rey continues to repress her feelings as Kylo's rage spins out of control, consuming him.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

"Wake up".

Rey had only just drifted to sleep when she felt a shift in the surrounding force. What does he want now?

"Please wake up, Rey" Kylo's voice was restless. 

Rey turned over groaning, making sure he couldn't see her face. They hadn't made eye contact since that night. "I'm awake; what do you want?"

Lately, he had been appearing to her far too often. It seems he'd forgotten they're on opposite sides of the War. She thought she'd made that clear by refusing to take his hand when he offered her something she could not accept. 

He felt her disdain. 

Kylo scowled, facing away, he couldn't stop the words that had recently been praying on his mind "Do you think after everything we have been through together, we can just go back to the way it was before something connected us?" Rey could feel his anger building, not just anger but, regret. What did he have to regret? He chose his path, chose the Darkness over Light. Chose power. 

"Yes, that's what I think" she snapped back "You can't just expect me to pretend nothing has changed. That's the problem; nothing HAS changed. I believed in the good I saw in you, Be... Kylo." Her eyes glazed over at the thought of his dead name, she twisted to look at him "I was wrong" She hoped he would turn around, show even one bit of remorse. 

Disappointed, she takes a deep breath strengthening the courage to say what was inevitable "You need to leave me alone, Supreme Leader. You mean nothing to me, we are enemies". The connection was lost.

Rey's heart ached at the lies she had just told, but she had to do it, she had to move on with her life. She hates Kylo Ren; he is a Monster. 

More lies.

She slumped back onto her makeshift bed, and the tears began to fall. Sleep never came. 

-

Kylo broke their connection. 

Her words are still echoing in his brain 'I believed in the good I saw in you'. He was never good, not even before he gave himself to the darkness. She is delusional.

She is especially delusional if she thinks he can leave her alone. She has no idea what it's like to be him, how she consumes his every waking hour. Even if he did want to leave her alone, it's not like he could choose to. 

Kylo's rage started to overwhelm him. He couldn't focus on anything but her rejection 'you mean nothing to me'.

She engulfs his thoughts as soon as he wakes; when he eats, when he trains and even when he suffers through the boring meetings Hux arranges.

Everything he has gained from killing Snoke feels so pointless.

His anguish has multiplied since that night, and now he has to face it alone. She no longer cares for him. 

Is that the right word? Had she cared for him, or had she only cared for her cause? Bringing him to the Light would have been beneficial to the Resistance, earned her respect. If she had felt anything for him, she would have taken his hand. But she didn't.

The most important thing to her, to Rey, is Rey. 

Kylo stood seething in the centre of the briefing room, staring blankly at the ground. 

He still doesn't fully understand the way he feels about her. Why would someone as powerful as himself, feel such an intense connection with a stupid scavenger, want her to rule alongside him? A foolish, yet formidable scavenger that tried to manipulate his feelings and pull him away from the darkness. 

The rage burst out of him. He lashes out with the force at everything around him, roaring as he loses control until the anger fizzles to a tiny spark. He had flung the chairs to all corners of the room, the chrome desk crumpled, reports scattered over the floor.

Kylo is out of breath on his knees, his fists pressing against the cold, dense floor. He lifts his head and finds the only part of the room untouched by his rage — the view. 

A blanket of glittering darkness laid out in front of him; he finds himself frozen staring at the emptiness, serenity slowly taking over. A memory flickers, not his own, the scavenger girl is looking to the stars for solace, peace.

That was her calm, and he refused to let it be his. 

At the intrusion of her memory, the spark reignites. Kylo continues to pour his hate into the destruction.

He hates that idiot scavenger. 


	2. Chapter 2

On Ahch-To, the day had just begun. 

Dawn broke through the horizon, creating a mixture of colours that melted on the surface of the ocean. The shallow waves intertwined, shadows creating a ripple of light and dark, both existing together on the glossy surface. 

On the Island, the wildlife had also begun its day. The dulcet tones of little creatures that just woke surrounded the vicinity. If you looked high enough, onto the tips of the towering rocks, you would see their little heads peeking out of nests - jaws opening, impatiently waiting for their breakfast. The nests, expertly constructed on the sides of the jagged rock, offer secure homes for the tiny round creatures they held. 

These creatures may be delightful, but the most alluring part of the Island was its sheer beauty. This time of the day was the most wondrous, particularly in the golden warmth of the morning. The rocky terrain was covered in varying shades of green, ever-changing with the suns light. Rey still marvelled at this beauty after waking there every morning for the past five months, this is her favourite part of the day. She still couldn't believe she had spent nineteen years of her life, not even knowing these colours could exist. Green was not something often seen on Jakku. Not this vibrant kind anyway. 

The boulder underneath her was still cold to the touch after a harsh night on Ahch-To. Every morning she would sit there, remembering Master Skywalker. She could sense his life-force here, feel his energy. She hadn't known him for long, but he was one of the most selfless people she had met. He sacrificed his life so that others could continue theirs. That is what it means to be a Jedi. 

At the thought of Master Skywalker, Rey felt a sudden pang for the friends she had left at the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss. As much as she had loved the heat and comfort of the Jungle, she couldn't continue her training there. There was too much pressure; everyone expected so much of her. They seem to think she is some kind of super Jedi, but they have no idea. 

There was no use dwelling on that now; she hadn't left the moon just to let the same negative thoughts distract her. Rey pushed herself from the rock stretching her arms outwards, leaning down to warm the back of her legs. One of the first times she had trained here alone she had forgotten to limber up and could barely walk the smallest hill when she'd finished. She wouldn't make that mistake again. 

Her training regime consisted of jogging up the steep inclines, muscle training with whatever she could find, light sparring with the air and then once she was thoroughly exhausted, she would test her control over the force. If she could master the force even when her body is tired, then nothing could stop her. After she was satisfied with her physical training, she sat on the edge of the cliff, legs crossed facing the ocean. Closing her eyes, she drew in a deep breath clearing her mind, her only focus being the force that was so present here. All of her senses heightened, and she began to feel the force surrounding her; it felt like thousands of tiny droplets of water were delicately dripping and sinking into her skin.

Behind her were six rocks varying in shape and size. She reached out and found the smallest; lifted it with ease and propelled it into the ocean. She did the same with a further three rocks, each one taking extra effort as she progressed in size. The two remaining were more significant than the others.

Rey wasn't sure how long she sat there trying to lift the fifth rock, but the most she could manage was a slight vibration underneath it. When her energy was at capacity, she gave up. After five months of being on this Island, there hadn't been much progress. She didn't understand how she could lift a hundred rocks on Crait where her friends were trapped, but can't even lift a boulder smaller than herself, especially when the force is so present on the Island. 

_ Gurgle _ , Rey snapped out of her episode of self-pity. She was hungry and had usually eaten by now, but she had been so determined to lift that stupid rock that she'd skipped her mid-day meal. Even though the Lanai caretakers sometimes left her food, Rey liked to provide for herself. It was something she was used to after being left on her own. She was still getting the hang of fishing the way Master Skywalker did; even managed to catch something now and again. 

She made her way back to Skywalker's hut, collecting fresh green milk from the large mammals that lounged near the shore. Unlike Master Skywalker, she preferred not drinking directly from the source, that image still disturbed her. When she arrived at the hut, she lit a fire in the centre of the shelter, warming her cold hands. Something was making pain-filled noises behind her, after investigating the sound she found an injured Porg cowering under her bed. Fear was apparent on its face "Hey little guy, don't be afraid" she reached out her hand, it squawked loudly and rushed to find an exit almost running headfirst into the door, "Shhh, shh, I won't hurt you." She sent a wave of calm to the Porg and reached her hand out to it once more. This time it let her.

She took the wounded, delicate creature in her palms and examined its injury. Its wing was broken. She unravelled part of the bindings on her arm and tore off a section to use as a bandage. She sent soothing energy to the Porg as she worked, trying her best to ease its pain. When the Porgs bandage was set, she made a little nest from some of the fabric on her bed close to the heat of the fire—still sending it calming energy, she placed it gently in the centre of the bundles "All better".

Running her fingers across the top of its soft head, she persuaded the innocent creature to sleep. She felt so peaceful at that moment, happy. Above all else, Rey loved helping others and using her gifts to protect the ones she cared for… and sometimes cute little things like the Porg. She found herself smiling for the first time in months. The smile broke when she felt the force shift around her, felt someone watching her, but when she turned around, she was alone. 

** \-  **

Hux drawled on and on about how Kylo hadn't made any significant advancements since becoming Supreme Leader. He had more pressing concerns than crushing the Resistance right now; he couldn't focus. "Ren, are you listening?" Hux's voice was full of impatience, his pale, freckled face flushed with suppressed anger. "If you want to crush the Resistance, then do something about it, you don't need me to tell you what to do" Kylo snapped back and stormed out of the room; he couldn't take this anymore. He wanted to jam his Saber right into Hux's smug face. He didn't care about crushing the resistance or domination of the Galaxy. He just wanted to kill everything in sight. 

He found himself walking back to his chambers, one of the only places he felt like he wasn't suffocating. The room wasn't anything special; all he needed was a bed and a bathroom. It's not like he had enough leisure time to spend countless hours here. He stepped over to the bed, taking off his heavy cloak and boots. He sat at the edge, running his hands through his dark hair, attempting to relieve some of the pressure pounding down on his forehead. Laying back, legs hanging on the side of the bed, he thought of the girl. 

He had managed to avoid thinking of her since their last encounter a few weeks ago. He'd kept himself busy and angry, delaying the inevitable. All his feelings for her came flooding back to him in forceful waves. He didn't  _ hate _ her, but she  _ did  _ infuriate him. She denied the dark part of her even though it was so prominent, so easy to sense. But it didn't matter anymore; she wanted nothing to do with him.

Something changed; he opened his eyes. The Scavenger was there in front of him, sitting at a fire, smiling at something in her hands. He had never seen her smile like that before. It took his breath away. "All better." Her voice was soft; he could feel the calming energy she resonated. 

She turned her head, feeling his presence. He closed the connection. 

He can't feel like this. He  _ has  _ to hate her, or these warm, fuzzy feelings would consume him. He felt like he was being torn apart, forced in two different directions, not sure which one he wanted to take. All he knew was he couldn't keep doing this. He could never be good, could never turn to the light, but he also couldn't dedicate himself entirely to the dark side. Not while she resisted him. He had to find her and turn her once and for all. Only then could he truly commit himself to what he had stood for. 

Kylo stood from the bed and perched himself, cross-legged, in the centre of the ebony floor. Clearing his mind, he reached out to her. He could see a planet engulfed in water, a few small islands populating it. Still not there yet. He reached out even further, following the twists and turns of the dense ocean. He was getting closer; she was near. A large island came into view; this was it. The force was profound here, even through the bond, he could feel it's significant power. Rey wasn't the only one here; he could use that to his advantage. He searched for the other life form; once found it, he entered the mind of the unknowing resident, desperately searching for the information he sought. Eureka. 

She's on Ahch-To. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An attempt was made. 
> 
> I can't wait till she has to put up with him in person.

**Author's Note:**

> (This fic takes place after the events of The Last Jedi. It is not canon to the of The Rise of the Skywalker)
> 
> This is my first try at writing a Fic. I'm passionate about this subject and have been for a while now and I thought it was time to put my fantasies into words, even if I'm terrible at it! :)
> 
> I absolutely looove long fics, so i'm not going to make this a short one :p Please bear with me as I get the hang of it!


End file.
